batt low? recharge.

"I'm tired of being sad. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of feeling empty inside. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of feeling stuck. I’m tired of feeling crazy. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of yelling. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of dreaming of a life I will never have. I’m tired of missing things. I’m tired of missing people. I’m tired of remembering. I’m tired of wishing I could start all over. I’m tired of not being able to just let go. I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of being different. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of needing help. I’m tired of always wondering when God is finally going to let me be happy.
Most of all, I just I’m just tired of being tired."

So now I'm gonna get a good long sleep
and when I wake up..

It'd be a brand new beginning :)

A four letter word

I believe in love. I really do. That love is the only thing keeping this crazy world alive. I haven't found my love yet.. But I'm not worried. I know that just as the world keeps spinning, the love I've been looking for will appear right in front of me and then all of a sudden- Me, this crazy thing, will become alive.

"She's hurt; mentally and emotionally. But everyday, she walks outside with a smile on her face, because that’s just who she is;

the girl who never stopped smiling.

Sometimes the people we love just forget to love us back.

(People are gonna disappoint you. I get that… I kind of expect that. But I don’t know. What if you wake up one day and realize that you’re the disappointment?)

Be strong.

I feel another breakdown coming on but I won't give in.

Dear God, help me.

I won't. Give in.

Rational?

I'm afraid.

As much as I want to have someone to love,

that's just it.

I'm afraid.

Because loving like that involves opening of the heart and being honest and being yourself with no pretense. Involves time and sacrifice and I'm afraid of taking a plunge and then finding myself hitting rock bottom yet again.

No I'm not scarred by love.. But I am scarred by looking at the world around me- casual love, casual relationships, casual break ups- everything's casual. It's no big deal if you get together, it's not big deal if you end it.

It's normal, but it's not right.

I think if someone were to ask me out right now, even if my heart is jumping up and down in joy and my face is blushing crimson red, my mind would stop me and tell me to protect myself and say 'no I'm only gonna let myself get hurt'.

I have all these emotions in me that I have no idea how to express.

I don't trust love but I trust love.

I want to fall in love but I don't want to fall in love.

Only Jesus knows because He knows what's in my heart.

I don't know why I'm worrying now when there's no one right now.

Okay I'm gonna stop thinking and start living life.

A cute guy asked for my number one day and I refused to give it to him even though I kinda wanted to. I was telling myself that he smokes and that he is not from church and that I don't need a guy anyway. Lol I just psycho-ed myself.